rationalizing and losing my grip

Things are going well but I keep thinking that one or two once in a while can’t be that bad. Not everyday — just sometimes and only with other smokers in social settings — like with a glass of port or cup of coffee after dinner. So, after two weeks of trolling the quit sites I’ve been visiting sites like Forces.

– SCIENTIFIC EVIDENCE ARCHIVE- The largest scientific evidence archive of the Internet on tobacco. What you think you know about smoking may surprise you
www.forces.org/evidence/index.htm – 37k – CachedSimilar pages

I fully admit that I’m rationalizing and that perhaps I’m losing my grip … but I do think there’s some truth to the fact that a few don’t do that much harm. The trouble is that they’re very addictive and almost no one can have just a few. That’s the rub. One usually leads to two — and before you know it that leads to a pack a day … and eventually to trolling the streets for random butts.

I have not smoked a pack a day in ten years and doubt I even could do that again. On a regular weekend day I could smoke 1 or 2 and be very delighted. I’d smoke more in social situations or at work out of enjoyment and habit.

Okay, one half (this half) of my head says I can smoke sometimes … and maybe I’ll have one next time I’m a situation with some (smoking) friends after a nice dinner. Indeed, that dinner could a few weeks away and that’s okay.

The other half says no. Never. Never again. This is the half that has me eating salads and climbing stairs. This is the half that does good deeds and donates to charities. I like this half but she can be a bit of a goody-goody at times. She’s a bit boring but she knows first aid — we all know the type.

Both halves agree that everyday smoking is a still bad idea and I don’t want to go back there. But the half that wants to smoke once in while is very persuasive — she’s the one who works in PR.

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