Category: Life

Silly Answers to Silly Questions

My answers …

1. If you had to choose, which would you rather have: herpes, a root canal,
   a computer virus, a colonoscopy, or a polygraph?
• A computer virus.
2. If you could go back in time and do one thing over, what would it be?
• Pass math.
3. If you could only have one food item and one drink for every meal for the
   next month, what would they be?
• Food: Sushi. Drink: San Pellegrino Bottled Water
4. What do you usually leave in: a huff, a tizzy, the bed of a beat-up pickup,
   a high dudgeon (what is this?) or a stretch limo?
• A tizzy.
5. You open up a bottle and instead of beer, you get a genie. Standard three
   wish deal. What do you wish for?
• Eternal happiness.
6. You just inherited/won $1 Billion. What do you do for the next 24 hours?
• Probably eat sushi and drink champagne.
7. Of all of the voices in your head, which is your favorite?
• The voice of the night.
8. You are leaving tomorrow for a 6-week stay in the 12th century. What do
   you pack?
• Antibiotics, my medication and a lighter.
9. Name something small that really annoys you.
• Mosquitoes
10. What assumptions do people make about you that are wrong?
• That I’m nice to a fault.
11. If you had a building named after you, what would be in it?
• Footwear.
12. It is the year 2024. What kind of computer are you using?
• I’ll be in my fifties. Probably still the type of computer one finds in an office.
13. If you were forced to move to another country, where would you go?
• The United States (really).
14. Okay, ‘fess up. What did you do that made it necessary to move to another
    country?
• They have the Fifth Amendment in the US.
15. Zen space. Make up a question and provide your own answer.
• When?
• Right now damn it!

Things that disappoint me:

1. Winners lately has no fashions of interest — not even any fun shoes or boots.
2. Commuter rudeness and angst — take off your backpack, damn it.
3. People in my condo who can’t figure out the gray box is for paper and the blue box for glass and plastic. But those folks are saints compared to the lazy asses who leave big garbage items — such things as a lampshade or a broken toaster oven — in the garbage chute room. That kind of garbage is supposed to be brought down to the garbage room. Attention fellow residents of the third floor: the people who clean our building are not your personal maids. Paying condo fees doesn’t give you the right to exercise your heightened sense of entitlement.
4. Millennials. (Me and K. both, based on a recent discussion).
5. Waking up just moments before the alarm is set to ring and realizing I have to get up within mere minutes.
6. Getting another chain email from a well-meaning (perhaps) but annoying-as-hell serial email forwarder. If you didn’t compose the email you are sending me with your own fingers, chances are I won’t want to read it. Okay, there’s a chance I will but, if in doubt, don’t forward me your amusing emails. Just don’t.
7. Telemarketing systems that leave a bloody message on your voicemail. This should be illegal.
8. Pea soup. Every time I have it I think it will be tasty but it never is. Potato leek soup is a very close second. Soup should be exciting not mushy and drab.
9. Swiss Chalet. Enough said.
10. Running into suit-clad former high school classmates in an elevator who want to catch up. I don’t enjoy catching up with people who look like they are running late for an episode of Ally McBeal.