the horrible skin tag explosion

My doctor understands me. A while ago I went to him to discuss the horrible skin tag explosion that has overtaken my eyelids. Well, it took him a little while but he did manage to locate the skin tag situation of which I spoke. Admittedly they are not big — yet — but these babies grow and I don’t want to get to the stage of skin tags that one can actually see from across the street.

Later on in this conversation he mentioned Botox. See, he gets me. I wasn’t thinking about injecting a neurotoxic protein into my eye area this week or anything but that day will come. I don’t fear it — indeed I plan to start a special savings account for any procedures I’ll require in the next decade. And I know I will require some — the writing’s on the wall.

So the skin tags are going to be lasered off.

But now I have a new worry — crepey eyelid skin. I’m serious. My eyelids look like some arts and crafts project gone wrong.

This seems to be a fairly common problem which for some reason comforts me. I’m even more comforted by the fact that there seem to be products that can help.

Janson Becket’s Vitalizing Serum for Eyelids promises to help with “upper-eyelid withering” which I fear I’m on the road to. And then there’s Elizabeth Grants’ Gentle Eye Serum PLUS which makes no mention of withering per se but does promise to “diminish the appearance of fine lines, crows feet and crepey eyelids“.

Now I know that “diminishing the appearance” does not mean actually getting rid of the problem — marketing speak I understand well. And the last time I used an eye cream it diminished the appearance of my fine lines by swelling up the flesh around my eyes. No more wrinkles — just puffy fish eyes. Yet I’m cautiously optimistic.

And if things start to really go downhill, I’m an excellent candidate for aesthetic eyelid surgery.

Hence, my new savings account. I plan on looking 29 for at least ten more years at which point I’ll admit to 35 — maybe 36.