Category: Life

Today I was foraging alone in the kitchen trying to find something to eat. I was thinking something soupy as I left work early feeling unwell — like a flu was coming on.

There were things in the fridge but I wasn’t sure what the random ingredients in there could produce. (Or — more truthfully — what I could produce with the random ingredients). There was some white wine in there too and a bit helped my decision-making process.

I found some onion soup mix and ramen noodles in the back corner of the cupboard and had an idea — onion/ramen soup! But how long before ramen noodles go bad? I don’t recall purchasing these noodles and there was no date stamp. Maybe they had been there for years.

But I thought about it a bit (and had some more wine) and I figured they’re bone dry and full of salt so they probably never go bad. I was also getting hungry and a little tipsy. Soup it was.

My soup wasn’t bad at all. Nothing spectacular but warm and tasty enough. Tomorrow I’m making meatloaf or maybe I’ll just have some oatmeal.

Ah, oatmeal for dinner — I feel like I’m in school again.

I enjoy that show House Hunters. You know, the one with Suzanne Whang (pronounced Wong by Ms. Whang for what I’d say is a pretty good reason).

But a few oft-repeated comments from the ‘hunters’ drive me nuts.

1. “Oh, I hate this wallpaper/paint….”

Oh man, you can paint, people! Paint is cheap. You don’t have to live with dusty rose or sea blue. You can remove wallpaper, too. Ignore it and look at the bones of the house. See past it. Live a little. For the love of God, you can plan a trip to Home Depot if you buy the damn thing.

2. “Oh, this looks really small…”

Come to my house people. That room is gigantic. Massive. I could ballroom dance in that living room you’re calling small. I could fit my entire condo in half that living room. Wake up and travel — I’d suggest New York. Then you’ll see small. Then you’d be delighted with all the space you have in your ranch house in the middle of Middle America.

3. “Oh, this could be the nursery ..” (said often by the woman with the guy rolling his eyes in the background)

Yeah, it could. It could also be the fully equipped S&M room complete with a swing and torture wheel.

Both topics (babies and activities not usually employed for making babies) should not be discussed, in my opinion, on national television shows about real estate.

I’d encourage these gals with ticking clocks to have a nice chat with hubby after they move in. A little wine and some time on the swing and before you know it…you’ll need the nursery. My advice is don’t try to sell the room he’s visualizing as the new home for his sports memorabilia collection as anything but his own man-space before you sign the mortgage papers.

(I am kidding, of course. Deciding to have children (or not) should be discussed before marriage and should never be a surprise.)