Category: Life

bookmark_borderHanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head. Except when it’s not.

Posted on by Christine Elias

It’s almost Christmas — what better time to talk about holding grudges?

Yeah, yeah, people talk about how holding a grudge is like letting someone live rent free in your head. Esther Lederer — “Ann Landers” — actually said:

“Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head.”

She meant people you really, really loathe. And I agree, holding on to that type of angst is not great for living a balanced and happy life. This forgiveness business is thing — the mental health professionals have it all figured out. Oprah (who is not a mental health professional) has something to say about it, too.

But.

Yeah, I have a but.

Sure, I have let go of past grudges — I don’t loathe anyone (really) and no one has that kind of power over my inner thoughts.

But low-level grudges? They don’t consume me or eat at my sense of well-being, but I have them — in fact I nurture them.

Double cross or disrespect me (at play, work or at the mall) and I won’t forget. Oh, I will be civil and polite and above all very professional. But I won’t forget.

grudge-match

bookmark_borderThe Proust Questionnaire by request!

Posted on by Christine Elias

What is your idea of perfect happiness?

Simple things:

  • Loving and being loved;
  • Sleeping in;
  • Excellent sushi/sashimi;
  • Whiskey on ice after work;
  • A world with no ill-fitting undergarments.

What is your greatest fear?

  • Fragility.

Which living person do you most admire?

A few admirable people off the top of my head:

  • Christiane Amanpour;
  • Barbara Ehrenreich;
  • Bishop Desmond Tutu;
  • The Right Reverend, Gene Robinson;
  • Jóhanna Sigurðardóttir;
  • Sonia Sotomayor;
  • Indra Nooyi;

But most admire? Not sure.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

  • Lack of patience.
  • Superciliousness — oh, that was a typo — meant supersilliness.

What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

  • Of the seven heavenly virtues of chastity, temperance, charity, diligence, patience, kindness and humility, I’d have to go with temperance.

What do you dislike most about your appearance?

  • My height.

What or who is the greatest love of your life?

  • Nunc et semper, et unum amo (Now I know what love is)

When and where were you happiest?

  • A summer day in the mid 1970s. I remember getting off the bus from summer camp. Mom was there to pick me up. I still can see her in giant sunglasses and a sharp cream-coloured pantsuit. Hearing her squeaky voice welcoming me home was the happiest sound ever.

Which talent would you most like to have?

  • Writing beautifully.

What is your current state of mind?

  • Content and hyper in equal measure.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

  • Be more of a risk-taker.

What do you consider your greatest achievement?

  • TBC.

If you could choose what to come back as, what would it be?

  • I would not like to come back as anything else.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

  • Having no candy treats in the house.

What do you most value in your friends?

  • Humour and intelligence.

Your favorite food and drink.

  • Seafood. Whiskey. Not together.

If not yourself, who would you be?

Where would you like to live?

  • Not where, but how. Well and honestly. (But if I could do that in New York or Santa Fe — all the better!)

What is it that you most dislike?

  • Dingalings.

How would you like to die?

  • Quickly.

What is your motto?

  • In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.