Author: Christine Elias

Today I was at lecture with Gabrielle Hamilton, the author of Blood, Bones and Butter.
It was a great event, but one thing she said was so — well, thoughtful — that I wrote it down. (I am not usually a note-taker in my private time — I take plenty of notes during business hours and that seems to be enough.)

“I try not to worry about future pain.”

I do try to enjoy the present. I am not the type of person who counts the days down to Friday. I try to have fun every day. I don’t dread getting up to go to work and I don’t hate doing my laundry or washing the dishes. I believe happiness is (mostly) a choice and I choose to be happy.

But I do worry about future pain. The what-ifs and the what-if-nots. The ambiguity of the future. The chaos to come. The leaky pipe, the broken dishwasher. The end of a relationship, the death of a loved one — then another and another and another.

I think this is normal, or at least common. Things are going to break, people are going to break up and everyone’s gonna die.

So sometimes, I like to do my worrying in advance. But I try not to. I try to think about all the good that will happen, too. All the fun, the new experiences, the new places to visit. There’s plenty of love and joy in the future, too. Probably more joy than pain on balance — or so I choose to believe.

I guess I’m better at this than I think.

I have always been — if not great at sports — quite sporty. I can throw and catch a ball. I’m not too bad at the batting cages, either. I haven’t been in quite a few years, but I did manage to whack quite a few balls. I can toss a basket ball into a net. No layups, I am still 5 feet tall.

At work, sometimes for fun, I toss a wrapper into the garbage can from a distance. I rarely miss. I can also flip (and catch) a ball by bouncing it off the inside of my elbow (this is actually very hard to describe, but trust me it’s a neat trick and takes some coordination. I developed it as a camp counsellor — it amused the kids.)

I do suck at driving in golf, but am not too bad closer to the hole. I like mini-golf like no one’s business.

Okay, this is not meant to be a “how great is Christine” post. I am going somewhere. And it’s not somewhere terrific.

Last week at work my colleague and I decided to do some push ups. (Don’t ask me how we got this idea.) So I was thinking, how hard could this be. I imagined I could do about 20.

I really thought this was not going to be a problem. I have done 20 pushups before. (Before being in the 90s, but what the heck, I’m still strong.)

So. I got into position and did……3.

Yes, 3 pushups. I could, perhaps, have done 4 but my arms we not cooperating.

Geez.

We also did a Pilates position called the Plank. I managed to hold that pose for 19 seconds. Plus, I managed to do a side Plank as well. Now 19 seconds is not very good, but I did not feel as bad as I did after the pushup fiasco.

So what’s next. Well, more Plank and more pushups. In my office this time — with the door closed. I’m not coming out until I can kick it.