Month: July 2010

I have never heard of these – Lobe Wonder Ear Support Patches – have you?

They are designed to disguise the unsightly enlargement of earring holes and to protect healthy earlobes against tearing from the weight of earrings.

I have yet to see these in Shoppers Drug Mart but then again I have very attractive, non-droopy earlobes so I haven’t gone searching for a solution to my earlobe woes.

The Lobe Wonder was the brainchild of Joann Bradvica, a civil servant in Alhambra, California. As far as I can tell, her company is privately owned. But if there’s ever an IPO, I consider buying some stock.

Why?

Because I see these fashion plates everyday and they won’t be 24 forever.

Why one might surmise that I am a Russian spy:

1. Mangled metaphors — I mess these up like no native speaker ever could.
2. People often ask me where my accent is from.
3. I chose a profession that functions as an excellent cover.
4. l’ve been heard speaking a decidedly Slavic-sounding language on the telephone in my office.
5. I am surprisingly nimble for someone of my (alleged) age and stature.

I know it is just a matter of time before I am sent back home. Too bad really since I have grown to love you backward and naive Canadians.

’cause I’ve seen
oh
Blue skies
Through the tears in my eyes
And I realize
I’m going home
I’m going home
I’m going home